What type of pride?

It is I Emiliano Abgato! I went undercover during a Gay pride parade to sniff out ab revolutionaries. Unfortunately there were not as many bare abs as I thought there would be. Nevertheless I showed the goods and gained the respect of the gay community. This is what that respect looks like!

Week 6: relabxing

Oh, didn't see you there. El Abogado was just lounging, having a nice drink when you rudely encountered him laying out in all of his glory. How dare you?! Well then, now that El Abodago has gotten all of his indignant frustration out, would you care to join him for a drink? You look ab-solutely fabulous, did El Abogado mention that before? Rabishing, even. Oh, you would like a drink? How about we take these drinks into El Abogado's hot tub? Yes, El Abogado has a hot tub, in fact he has three. He also has a master bedroom, would you like to see it? Well....?

Week 6: Ms. Misstery

Abatha Christie has been too busy crunching her way to stardom to remember to take photos of her progress. Also she kept accidentally eating burritos before she was supposed to take photos. As these recently photos demonstrate, Abatha is still perhaps lacking the 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 and 6 packs. But as the second pic clearly demonstrates, Abatha's obliques dominate.

Don't mind the bit of boob. It was jealous of the abventure league and wanted to know when the boobventure league was happening, because, well, it has a superiority complex. Don't even humor it, stupid attention hog.

2pacx3 week 6

more pics to come!

Emiliano Week 6/No face

Yes, I admit it, I cried last week. Such was my state. I got tired of crying, but could not stop. So I thought, I cannot cry if I do not have a face. So I wiped my face off, and this was the result.

Crunch Breakspine! Week 6

 

Crunch returns from a short disappearance!  My travels took me near and far! Well, around New England anyway.  Now to finish my laundry and watch old episodes of Lost. Yay!

Week 6!!!

My how time is flying. A quick update for the abventures: it looks like Tizona may take the award for most abventurous. By the way, she won week 5's abventure. Sorry there is not more on the witty front, but it is difficult to do with police sirens and a spoonful of sugar crying in the background. Who would have thought the sugar is louder than the sirens? Keep those week 6 pics coming!!!

lts amore!

i was walking down the street the other day and i saw this beautiful woman trapped in a tapestry painting smoking a joint. well, i couldn't just leave her there and i tried and tried with my arms to pull her out of the tapestry... to no avail! looking for a sign of life, i finally took my shirt off and flexed the abs for her. her gaze turned my way, and she passed me the joint! it must be love, what else could it be??????

Abventure 5: Tizona vs. Aphrodite

I was strolling around in the Prado, scoping it out for a prank I wanted to do another day, when I stumbled upon two statues bickering. I had originally planned to return at a later date painted as a statue and pose next to one, taking care not to actually touch it, and see if anyone would notice, but I wasn't expecting to encounter such dynamic statues!

Adonis was kvetching to Aphrodite, that she was too full of herself and that her beauty was essentially useless when he noticed me listening in on their dispute. He began to ask me if I'd mind being a little less nosy and consider giving them a bit of privacy when he noticed my unique physique. He asked if I had a six pack, and I said, "No, not yet; I have a two pack but even so it is far more practical than that voluptuous thang Aphrodite's got going on." He frowned slightly, and then asked me to reveal my pack. When I did, he realized immediately of its utility and asked me if I'd fancy assuming Aphrodite's position. I said, "Sure, hombre, but don't I need to prove my strength, or something?? Can't I kick Aphrodite off her pedestal?" He pondered this somewhat startling request for a moment, realized two women fighting is never a bad sight, and permitted me to duel with Aphrodite for the post. I conquered her handily, and she fled.

I assumed my post, of course "baring" the appropriate lack of attire for a proper Greek goddess. After a while of chatting, Adonis, threw me what he thought was sure to be a twister. He inquired, "For times of war, it is vastly evident that your pack is very valuable, but what good is it for times of peace?" I responded, "Why, for dancing, of course! What's more, how do you think I maintain my pack?!! It's all about the dancing!" He commanded, "Dance for me then," and proceeded to show him the dance I had once learned from a exuberant pack of dancing wood nymphs.

Later that afternoon, poor Adonis, felt so lonely and foolish when told him I couldn't stay by his side in the Prado forever. However, he seemed to understand when I told him my pack was needed to tame some lions in Kenya. Also, hopefully, in some time Aphrodite will hobble her way back to be reunited with him - this time all the wiser with the avant-garde insight that she should do more dancing instead of just slouching around lookin' pretty all day.

Results Week 5

Well, out of three contestants this week, the rankings are as follow: 1) Tizona, 2) El Abogado, 3) Emiliano AbGato. Thank you judges, and we hope to see you next week. As for those of you who haven't posted shame. Eating a burrito is not a good excuse, and doesn't even effect you that day (it effects you in a week). Also being a poop burrito is also not an excuse. Poop can still have a sixer

Week 5/The Heist

El Abogado took an unexpected vacation last week. Either that or he was captured by ninja terrorists who brought him to the Great Salt Lake and washed his cuts in its water. Cruel, cruel ninja terrorists. They didn't want to kill him. Only perform their quasi-baptism in salt water. Either way, he can't talk about it.

Another way to win: Esleep

I figure they must have something like this or even more advanced in the states... In Spain, this product is selling like hot cakes as people attempt to get beach bodies for the verano.

Check out that "Top Def!" woooo!

Week 5: THe long dark tea time of my abs

Mi Amigos, Revolution has fallen on hard times. Bread lines are long, and crunches are short.

Tizona Week 5 Definition

Count 'em: uno...dosss.

With 5weeks remaining, if I gain approximately one more pack each week, I should be armed with all six by the end of the tenth.

...Cake.

WEEK 5-ABsent

First off, apologies for all, for not posting results, or week 4 updates. My bad. I got this wonderful kick in the pants from a contestant, and he/she (I like anonymity) is exactly right in both sentiment and wording:

i hate to be a salty hog dog about this but i dont really are to submit more pics and ABventures if there is no winner announced each week - regardless if you're tyhe actual judge or i never win - without getting feedback i will probably stop posting

get on your shit bitch

So consider my shit gotten on. As such, here are the winners for week 4! In the definition category, 1) El Abogado 2) Tizona, 3) Abble Jacks!!! for the abventures (week 3): 1) Tizona, 2) El Abogado, 3) Crunch Breakspine!!!

Abventure IV: San Fermín

This week I went to Pamplona for the Sanfermines, and I thought that I would be telling you about the running of the bulls - as that was the reason for making the trip. Then, I thought I would tell you about the run-in I had with some crazy angry Basque separatists when I was proudly wearing my Spain shirt (suffice it to say ETA's not happy about Spain winning the World Cup, and one of my friends now has a black eye.) Ha, but the truth is the best abventure from last week that I have to share is the story of dos españoles y una americana... (need I say more???)
I was a little busy during the abventure, so I don't have an action photo; the photo I have sets the scene. It shows some of the friends I made in Pamplona. It all started when I met this man, Juan Pedro (who took this photo). He introduced me to his friends (Miguel, Ivan, Santi, and Javi), and the next thing I knew I was taking off my shirt. You see, for the Sanfermines festival, EVERYONE (tee-tiny babies, granpas, post office couriers - everyone.) wears all white with a red belt and a red scarf for the entire week! Day and night! I wasn't aware of this custom, and I told Ivan that I'd feel a lot more comfortable if he'd swop shirts with me. From that moment on, Javi and Ivan were mesmerized by my 2-packer. At the end of the night, they asked me if they could share it. I thought about it for a moment, and responded, "well there are two of you and my pack is also two, so there is more than enough to share."

My final comments would be that I was very satisfied with this abventure but am left wondering what wonders I might be able to seize if I am able to obtain a six-pack!!!! Six, six, SIX! Chances are six are more fun than two.

Mordidas,
Tizona

in which 2pacx3 gives up on artistry

2pacx3 still feels left out without a functioning camera, resulting in all of his pictures being the same boring stuff. however, in the process, 2pacx3 has lost a bunch of weight and looks in the mirror 90% more than he did before he started his abventure

Abatha Christie Week 4

Last week, Abatha Christie went to the beach and met a mermaid. The mermaid dusted her with magical mermaid sand, and lo and behold was gifted the powers of mermaid power. These powers include invisibility, super strength, and the ability to take punches. Side effects include lactose intolerance. (No dairy in the sea.)

Abble Jacks- Week 4

Two scoops of raisins!

AB Aeterno - Week 3

This past week AB Aeterno [easily identified by his Jewish-bling-bling] has traveled from NYC to Oxford, Maine for the Nateva music and camping festival.

AB Aeterno was tripping balls

As you can see, AB Aeterno is wearing his sharpi-ed festival shorts first worn in 1998 as a pair of jeans and has recruited his friend, Captain AhAB, into the picture [sucking in] for this week's entry.



GAME TIME!
See if you can find the following in this picture:
- Over 5 Hula-Hoops
- Passed out hippies
- At least 4 places to get french fries
- The girl who took the picture's finger [who was also tripping balls]
- Anyone who has showered

Abventure 3: Battle at Estanque

Prologue:

Legend has it that for years and years in the Estanque of the Buen Retiro Park a ravenous monster has inhabited its depths. Legend says that if left unmolested Bocagrande will remain innocuous and out of sight, subsisting solely on the microorganisms carpeting the bottom of the Estanque, but if one attempts to summon her, feed her, or attack her, she will react violently and the molester will be left headless with but a single chomp of her massive jaws - and with the sequential chomp, the molester will cease to exist entirely (apart from inside the stomach of Bocagrande).

The trouble is that in the Estanque there are loads of fish and other marine animals thriving harmoniously, and the tourists, who don't know any better, attempt to feed the fish incidentally setting off the great rage of Bocagrande.

Tizona lives a block away from Reitro, and considers it to be her own personal backyard which she benevolently shares with whoever should wish to enjoy that which Retiro has to offer (black swans, greenery, leisurely paddling or necking in the Estanque, an agreeable assortment of illegal drugs, etc., etc.). This afternoon Tizona decided she could no longer allow such a nuisance to persist in her peaceful backyard and set out to conquer the beast. The photo below shows Tizona diving into the Estanque. The story that follows recounts the major events of the battle at Estanque that ensued.
The Battle:

Moments prior to diving into the Estanque, Tizona briefly considered blinding the blasted creature with her stunningly pale pack, but she swiftly realized that its acute sense of smell and voracious hunger would hardly be deterred in the absence of sight. Once in the water, Tizona hesitated for not even a minuscule moment. She began swimming fearlessly towards her target. Her plan then appeared to be to wrestle the beast to its inexorable death when all of a sudden she pulled up just mere feet from the ferocious head of the monster. It was unclear what her plan was at this point, but she had no doubt arrived at a superior alternative strategy to conquer Bocagrande.

Tizona had keenly noted that one of Bocagrande's gills was very severely damaged. Posthaste, Tizona summoned her pack's super inflatable power, and in one torrential gulp, drained the entire Estanque. She then waited patiently for Bocagrande to suffocate. All of the fish and mer-animals of the Estanque were also flopping and flailing around, struggling to survive, but Tizona aptly calculated that they would outlast the loathsome monster because of her defective gill. At the last flinch of Bocagrande, she released forthwith the suspended water from within her pack. As the water level returned to its normal depth, all of the Estanque's other inhabitants quickly recovered from their asphixia, but Bocagrande lay motionless at the bottom of the Estanque, where she will forever remain - no longer a threat to the innocent visitors of Retiro Park.

Crunch Adventure! Week 3: Crunch vs. Sam Adams Beer

Crunch visited the Sam Adams brewery. Things went fine until some dick guard told him he couldn't swim in the brewing vats.

What to know what you get when you combine a bunch of dick security guards and an American Champion, like Crunch Breakspine?


Bunch of dead guards, that's what.

Crunch Week 3

This week Crunch had numerous miss adventures in the world of physical fitness. We call the "miss" adventures because he missed several opportunities to work out.

What a jerk.

2pacx3 week 3

פרסם רשומהlts a hard life for 2pacx3. he was just sitting around having a ciggy and reading pretentious european literature when his bitchy land lady called and tried to squeeze him for money. 'the only thing l squeeze is my stomach!' 2pacx3 said in consternation! he now found a copy of his contract and is prepared to sue the pants off the landlady!

Abble Jacks- Week 3

Crispy crunchy tender flaky crust.

Abatha Christie Week 3!

Abatha Christie celebrated a friend's birfday. Her friend happens to share a birfday with the United States of 'merica, which means there was lots of lots of drinking. And then someone found this old funfetti cake. And I say old because it was made nearly a week prior to consumption, which happened right then and there, on the floor, with 4 people and some forks. Abatha Christie had a fleeting thought that funfetti cake might not be good for her, but the thought was quickly washed away by the four or five beers she had that day. Oddly enough, she never had a thought that the beers might not be good for her.

Happy Birfday, 'merica.

A way to win

This just in: http://www.iaretalk.com/2009/06/robert-pattinsons-abs-are-fake.html
It is yet another way to compete, but if a judge is able to determine the falsity of the abs you lose. Keep that in mind.

El Abogado week 3!!!

El Abogado enjoys a relaxing read to take his mind off of the heat. And off of all his rich clients whose money will soon belong to him so that he can purchase more protein shakes. Naturally he reads about other abogados. Ones who aren't quite as good. And by not quite as good, El Abogado means laughably terrible compared to his phenomenal capabilities.

I shoot to kill! Emiliano Abgato Week 3

Hola All, It is I Emiliano! Yes I am holding a gun, and yes it is cocked. Look at my moustache! I have been trying to stir up revolution, but no luck. I now have a Native American Forest Spirit helping me. We initially did not see eye to eye, but 4 days in my closet and 1 vision quest later we are on the same page. While I do not like mosquitoes, I grudgingly accept their place in the ecosystem (frogs would die without them, and I love frogs). The gun was Edo's idea. He said people tend to listen, (or pretend to listen) to people with guns. From my dry run in the mall the other day I have to agree.

Def'n Pic Week 3 - Tizona

Full of ice cream, horchata and potential! - free of regrets. Week three's 'bout to be the "third time's the charm"!!!

Week 3!

Hello Everyone. This is your post for Week 3. By now we should have all settled into a schedule of exercise, diet, and/or sloth. Results will really start to show soon, and hopefully front runners will emerge. The rankings did weird somersaults, and for the 3rd week in a row we have a new leader. Abstrodinary gentlemen I give you week 2's winners: for the second week in a row, Tizona has been the most abventurous, with El Abogado in second and Emiliano Abgato in third. In the definition arena Emiliano Abgato placed first, in second comes Abble Jacks, and with a three way tie for third Tizona, El Abogado, and Crunch Breakspine. Remember that your definition pictures should try to show maximum definition, this means lines. A flat stomach is nice, but this is a six-pack competition, so we need to see lines. It doesn't matter if they are lines from muscle, or the air-brush tan stuff Nelly Furtado used in the music video Promiscuous.

Amerigo Vespucci! Week 2

Conquering the world one car seat at a time.

Emiliano Abgato Abventure Dos!

Recently, while tromping through the swamps of North Carolina, I came across a Native American spirit creature. He refused to tell me his name so I called him Edorohet (Edo for short) and took him to my house. We had a dance party where he gave me spirit powers, but then got into an argument over ecological politics. I said that mosquitoes should be destroyed and he insisted they were a valuable part of a fragile system, and that without them all life would tumble down. About half a bottle of whiskey into it we started to raise our hands and voices at each other (like in the picture!). By the time we finished the bottle we were mud-wrestling. I tied him up and put him in my closet to let him cool off. It has been 3 days and he is more pissed than ever!

Abatha Christie week 2

Haha, no caption was sent to me, so I get to rant! Have you ever thought about how useless the backstroke is? It is probably the most useless swim stroke in the world, mostly because you can't see where your going, you are super slow, and you look super pretentious performing an unavailing and borderline degrading action.

Mr. Wilku week 2

Hey, this title Rhymes. This picture comes to us from the loving country of Ecuador, where winter currently holds the land in an icy grip!!

Abventure 2: Customs

This morning I had to go to Barajas airport (which isn't that far, but half of Madrid's metro staff are on strike today, so it took >2hrs) to pick up an all-important package that got stuck in customs (how could I have expected to live in Spain for a yr with out an ample supply of York Peppermint Patties??)

I figured while I was there I might as well elucidate the solution to salient pending dilemma: How am I supposed to get back to the states a year from now, armed with such a lethal weapon as my pack will soon be?

I asked the question to the customs official, but my Spanish must not have been clear enough, so I proceeded to lift my shirt to demonstrate... and before I could reveal my pack in its entirety,
one of the officials jumped the counter and was waving his arms hysterically trying to get me to drop my weapon. He didn't bother dislodging his baton or his gun, because after all, he knew that for combating my pack those weapons were as good as a lone man wielding a melting ice cream cone would be to halt a stampeding pack of horsemen. No match for my pack.


(photo semi-discretely taken before all the action at Customs by a very bemused man from Cuenca who later, bizarrly enough, scribbled down his # and passed it to me as he was fleeing the scene. )

As I had not intended to cause such great alarm, I lowered my weapon and attempted to explain my question again. The guard and all involved were audibly relieved at my alleged surrender, and the guard gradually came to understand my question about how to return home with my pack. He gave me an honest answer that I would not be permitted to board a plane possessing such a weapon, and that it would unequivocally be detected if I attempted to penetrate security. He proceeded to explain that because loaded firearms are prohibited to be sent via mail, I would also not be able to send my pack home by mail. Lastly, he then divulged in a hushed voice that if I was unwilling to surrender my weapon, in reality, my only option would be to swim to Morocco, trek my way over to Somalia, make good friends with an adept clan of pirates assume a pirate name ("Redbeard" ), bombard and conquer a ship and redirect it round the globe to NC. It seems reasonable enough, but alas, that's another adventure in it of itself and will only prove to be absolutely necessary if in another 7 weeks I have succeeded in creating the master weapon. Until then, I'm abpropriately noting that it's best to keep even a 2-packer concealed as it has the potential to cause great undue alarm (and/or intrigue (if you're a strange man from Cuenca...)).

-Tizona

2pacx3 adventure

2PACX3 packed his cigarettes, and was all ready to take an abventure in the desert sands of the middle east. Sadly, after spending the night before doing situps in the cold, he caught pnemonia and was rushed to the hospital. home once more, 2pacx3 can't really eat, nor can he do any situps... so he's feeling lithe at least. remember kids, when the doctor gives you pills, always take them with water!